Exclusive

More than once I've had a student approach me to say, "They won't let me play with them." My first instinct is to tell the student to play on his own, or to find other friends, but out of my mouth always comes: "Okay. I'll talk to them."

Having already gone through growing pains, I now know and understand that I value my alone time, and am sometimes mature enough when people want to hang out without me. Sometimes I want to hang out without you, too [; But I still remember how it felt when I had no one to play with during recess- even after I stopped being the New Kid.

Students who come up to me expressing sadness at being left out don't lack independence, they probably just want to know, "Why won't they play with me?" which is an easier question to ask than, "What's wrong with me?"

Situations vary, and are separate from one another, yes, so there may be justifiable reasons only to play with a certain number of friends, but those reasons do not erase the larger problem at hand: exclusivity. In a present world of sides, I don't want future adults to continue the legacy of exclusivity. I want a future of empathy.

"But- but we're playing house and we already have the mommy and daddy and baby and doggie!"
   "How about an uncle?"

An entire future of empathy and creativity: How can we include more people? / I hurt that person's feelings. I shouldn't have done that. Because whether the consequences of exclusivity on the playground are short-term or long-term doesn't matter. If I tell the kid to go find other friends, then maybe when he's older he'll be a little more independent. Or if I tell the other kids to let him join, and the kid discovers on his own that he doesn't actually want to play with them, then he learns that on his own. Of all the possibilities that can unravel from that situation- I frankly don't care about the unraveling. No one knows what will unravel. I do, however, care a great deal of how I want these students and children to react: if I can foster a little flame of self and other-awareness I think I've done the majority of my job. If I can offer them the tools necessary to deal with whatever possibility comes at them then that should be enough.

"They won't let me play with them."
   "Here, come with me? Let's go talk with them."
   "Can you play with me?"
   "Oh yeah, of course."

And more often than not they eventually find other friends to play with.