white light.

white light,
you are not very forgiving.
you signify near death
("Don't go toward the light!")
or an unearthly amount of imperfection.
white light,
i know neither are avoidable.
and one generally entails the other
("Drop dead gorgeous!" "If looks could kill, she'd be a zombie.").
no, i'm not very pretty;
added to that, i don't try very hard.
good God, i look diseased,
my skin pockmarked and scarred.
red like the signature lips of pin-up girls
and hollywood dames.
but this is the wrong red.

you should see me in the cool shade of trees.
under strobe light, sun light, moon light;
at dusk!
the early shades of morning!
under blinking Christmas lights, and star light;
in front of head lights,
and through candle light.
because under white light you see imperfection,
but you certainly don't see me.

white light,
you are a prism away from a rainbow.

Dear Old Crushes,

Hey. How are you? I know. It has been a while since we've spoken...although, we never spoke initially so-. Oh? You've been meaning to get in touch? Just like I've been meaning to keep a hyena as a pet. No, totally, I've been researching it: hyenas are housebreakable. I googled it.

Thank you, I have been well. Do I look different? Yeah, that generally happens over time. You look different, too. Are we complimenting each other? Right, right, right. Of course.

You're all probably wondering why I've gathered you all here today. And why I refused to do this individually. I figured it would be less date-like, you know, if we met together as a group like this. Because orgies aren't an option.You can keep that to yourselves.

Basically, I want to say, I'm sorry if I ever creeped you out. My bad. I was learning. I'm not that person anymore. Oh, and I also wanted to say, I'm glad we didn't work out- no, I know, of course: you were never interested like that. No need to be defensive. I am just saying, for who I was at the time, and for whoever the hell you were at the time we were a match made in heaven. At the time, we were just what we needed. How's that? How do I know? Because we changed each other. You don't feel that much different? Trust me: you've changed but I can't speak for the profundity of the change; that's on you, broski--you are your own person. And I don't really know you, at all. I haven't seen you since I last liked you. I'm not the best person to ask about your personal development.

And, you're a human being, aren't you? Of course you've changed. That's what humans do.

Okay, so. You are dismissed. Oh, you want to stay behind for a little?

I think you may've misunderstood me: there is no future for us. No, no. See, I didn't change for you. I changed because of you. And remember, you were just a crush. And if you did have a crush on me, apparently you were too nervous or ashamed to say anything. No, I don't know that you missed a chance.

We missed nothing.

How do I know we can't be something now?

I don't, but I'm also not willing to see if we could be. And my lack of interest mixed with your mysterious intent does not a good cocktail make. I am flattered, as I should be, I know.

Seriously, you are dismissed.

Is someone else in the picture?

So, here's another thing I've learned since crushing on you: no one else needs to be in the picture for me to deny you. I have learned that I don't need a romantic interest. I am enough reason to say 'no'.

You don't care.

No, you don't need to explain yourself to me. You don't need me.

Yes, you have a nice life, too.

I do wish you the best.

lately.

you might feel i have no reason to be brave--
i'd be tempted to agree.
but not tempted enough.
i'd take greater pleasure in proving you wrong.

----

is this awkward for you, too?
trying to fit words into cohesive sentences-
sentences that can be responded to.
oh, i am not as witty as i think.
no, no. good night to you, too.
no, i shouldn't like to keep you up.