From Ideas to Stories

Lately, I've been thinking a lot of ideas. A lot.

A few weeks ago, July 4th actually, I was with friends out in Chelsea, and jotted this down on my iPhone: "I like thinking many ideas, but I don't know that I'd put many of them into practice, or sincerely believe in those thoughts/ideas. I think of too many [ideas] to indiscriminately accept all of them [as Truth]."

So, I've had all these ideas, but I've yet to bring them to light. Mostly because I don't know how to bring them to light. My ideas are incomplete, and the only way to make them complete, or somewhere near completion, I would have to write them down, or speak them aloud. I hate doing that. I hate speaking before I'm really sure of what I mean; what I really believe.

Of what have I been thinking?

For starters, beginning sentences with prepositions is a great grammar-release!

Okay, okay, okay.

My thoughts have generally leaned towards the state of humanity.

"Oh, how perfectly vague."

"I know."

But if I become any more specific I promise you, I will go back to the state of humanity, which I am sure, as we all observe, is in a constant state of flux and discontent. Those who are content are so because they know what it is to be discontent.

Hello, Humanity. I'm glad to greet you like an old friend.

But since I don't want to overthink, or rethink, or drag on for too long, I've decided it best to illustrate any ideas or thoughts I have with stories. I don't know why it took me so long to acknowledge this. Every other author and writer has!

Whatever made me think I was better at writing essays than writing vignettes or extended metaphors?

Of all that I've thought this past month I am confident in that idea: that the best way to portray the 'state of humanity' is to illustrate it. To gather up its many images, smells, tastes, words, and feelings, not into some neat little box and leave it there, but for the neat little box to be opened!

Like Pandora's box! But without all the sickness and sin, and horrible things--they're already in the world. Ooh, we don't need more of that.

I know that we learn from our mistakes both in and out of our control, but that does not make me wish bad times upon even the worst of my enemies, and even then, I have no enemies. I live life as though all were friends: yes, it is denial, and yet confirmation that these friends, like my thoughts, though I entertain them, are no less real, or lost, or hungry, or wishful, than I am.

I may not re-open Pandora's Box, but I'll label it for you.

Cloud Study

for this blog post you should understand a few things about me. (1) i enjoy reading. (2) when i read i also get distracted because i'm so inspired by what i've read i have to get up and do something about it. (3) i appreciate art and in no way intend to be its greatest critic.




yesterday a friend and i had the pleasure of attending the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City, NY. i hadn't visited the MET since last March, so you can imagine my art gauge was running on low...practically deteriorating.

YAY FOR LIVING NEAR ONE OF THE MAJOR CITIES OF THE WORLD!

anyway, upon entering the MET, i avoided the Egyptian exhibit because i've seen it ever since i was three: i've lived these twenty two, almost twenty three years in or near NYC and i've only seen about an eighth of the MET? so, onto newer parts! (newer for me, at least.)

we walked up their grand staircase and into the European Paintings (1250-1800), but my friend's greater interest in the more recently painted paintings led us to quickly move onto 19th-and-Early 20th-Century European Paintings and Sculpture, but a quick walk down the hallway.

Here I began my search of Johan Christian Dahl's "The Eruption of Mount Vesuvius" my favorite painting. (i would say 'my favorite piece of art in general', but i might speak too soon.) i despaired when it appeared in none of the rooms i was already in, when i turned and, "AH! I'll be right back. I've been looking for this!"

i found it:

and i'd wanted to just stare at it all day, but another girl in a blue dress was already standing there. it was apparent she wasn't going to leave. i made myself to stand beside her, in spite of my great desire to have a center view.

having filled my Vesuvius fix i walked on and discovered one of his cloud studies. oh! i didn't know this existed.

 

as soon as i saw that, i found another cloud study, and another, and another. i was thrilled!

in fact, when you have the time, you should visit the MET's website and type in the search bar 'cloud study'.

you may ask, "what's to study? they're just clouds."

"no," i'd respond. "it's more than just clouds. it's color, light and dark, shape (sometimes sharp, sometimes fluffed), and depth. perhaps more!- i'm not the artist! perhaps they study more than i can say; than i can tell you."

although, i will admit, i am slightly biased for the sky has always fascinated me: how solid it looks, but i know that the moment i choose to press my weight onto it, i'll only fall through, and down onto the hard earth. even with the scientific understanding we have of the sky and what's beyond me (i, personally, lack this scientific understanding) still leaves one awestruck.

i can only imagine... these are just the studies of clouds, what must have the artist really seen when he saw those clouds. perhaps even artists would admit that no picture (painted, taken, sculpted, etc.) could really ever capture nature.

nature is best experienced, not imitated...but that should never stop you from doing your best to imitate it.

unfortunately, i don't believe i'll ever get my art gauge filled to its brim; and it may never stay filled, but what's the fun in that? if its filled, i'd never have a chance to appreciate the tons and tons of art still left to be appreciated, and made.

so, i'll begin my own cloud study.

no, i won't paint them. i may not attempt to photograph them. but i will press them onto my mind, so much so, that if and when i may require a lobotomy they'll see the clouds etched in there.

that, and now i need to buy this book:

 

pictures courtesy of MetMuseum.org and ChronicleBooks.com

gratitude

i am unable to say enough 'thank yous' to merit the kindness you constantly show me. 

i am indebted.

i am undeserving.

but, most of all, i am thankful,

for that is what you want from me: my thankfulness.

i may never know why my gratitude proves sufficient.

i am sure that, one day, i might be able to truly repay you,

yet you would never receive the award.

at the most, you would wonder, "who? me?"

truly. thank you.

i love you.

"i often think of never being able to repay the people i ought to repay. then i realize the only repayment they want is my gratitude. i ought, then, to be eternally grateful; though an eternity would be insufficient."

If only all job interviews were like this:

"I promise you that I am not as qualified as you believe me to be."

   "And, and how do you know that?"

   "Because I've read your requirements and qualifications. I don't fit any of them. At all."
   "You are very down on yourself."
   "Yes."
   "Why?"
   "Because-."
   "Did something make you so horrible?"
   "I just am horrible."
   "That's not true. Something had to have made you horrible. Adam and Eve weren't horrible to begin with."
   "I don't like where this is going."
   "I'm not taking it anywhere."
   "I- I promise you: I am not as qualified as you believe me to be."
   "Can't you file things away? Can't you answer phones, make small talk, make people laugh?"
   "Anyone can do those things."
   "Yes, but you think."
   "You're saying that others don't think when they do those things."
   "Not really. Not really thinking when they file things, answer phones, talk small and make people laugh."
   "Then what do they really do when they do those things?"
   "Just those things."
   She sat there silently, staring at the floor space near her interviewer. "But-. I'm not qualified."
   "But you tell the truth."
   "And if you know so much about me, you'll also know that I think truth is overrated, and how long I've thought so! People put too much stock in this thing they call truth, and they don't even know what real truth is! It is true that people all over the world are hurting. It is true that people steal from other people. It is true that he still prefers her to me. It is true that I am still as unqualified as I believe myself to be. All that is true."
   The interviewer stared at her.
   She would not return his gaze. She continued to stare at the floor space around his feet, tracing patterns with her eyes so that she could avoid crying.
   The interviewer frowned, but quickly smiled. "Then you'll also know that this is not the sort of truth I apply to you."
   "What?"
   "You'll know then, that the sort of truth that I ascribe to you has nothing to do with the ugly monster you just applied to mean yourself. You are not that monster."
   "What? Is it the real truth's evil twin?" she snorted.
   The interviewer thought about it, then nodded in agreement. "Yes. That's exactly what it is. An evil twin." The interviewer laughed. "Oh, I need to hire you. When can you start?"
   She looked the interviewer up and down, her emotions running around for her, bewildered and frenzied. "Hire me? Your list of qualifications said you're looking for someone with a Ph.D, or a couple masters' degrees in their back pockets, swimming with heavenly references, expensive internships, and Louis Vuitton suits. Not that there's anything wrong with those things; I often wish I wanted those things. They seem like such good things to want."
   "And that is the only lie you could've told me."
   "I promise you that I am not as qualified as you believe me to be."
   "Do you intend to keep that promise?"
   "Well, I suppose if it's not a biblical promise then it's a promise that's meant to be broken."
   "I want you for the job. Will you take it?"
   "I feel as though I have no choice."
   "Oh. You have a choice, but that is not a feeling. Your feeling, what you're feeling now, is my belief in you. Not my belief in your qualifications or requirements."
   "You left out achievements."
   "You never said 'achievements'."
   "So both your ears do work."
   "I'll see you tomorrow morning. Dress well."
   "I refuse to dress any other way."