I looked to my left and right, tempted to turn around although I know that I should not, so I hold onto my father’s hand tighter, my palms sweaty from anxiousness; the heat couldn’t have affected me for it wasn’t hot outside. The weather felt a perfect spring. As my father and I kept walking tears passed from my eyes to my face, both happy and sad; both with impatience and with patience. Finally, my father tugged at my arm, causing me to look up into his smiling face. He did nothing to wipe away my tears, merely watched every one that fell. His eyes asked, What are you thinking? I laughed uneasily and slightly embarrassed. He tugged at my arm again, so gently, that perhaps he wasn’t tugging at my arm at all, just swaying his arm as we walk.
My mouth opened of its own accord and I said, half asking, “I think I like that young man.” At this point, both my hands were wrapped around my father’s arm, expecting something to be said or done but not sure what. My entire body read ‘expectation’ although my mind could not read the words.
My father smiled. “I know. He is a very good young man.”
“Yes,” I agreed as quietly as I possibly could afraid that I would hear myself and agree more than I should. I blushed and giggled. “Yes. He is.” I repeated. I wanted to ask fifty three more questions that all revolved around my left hand but I said nothing, knowing that my mind already gives away much.
“You want to know if you will see him again.”
I nod my head shamelessly and skip ahead so that my father would not see me blush. “I know we’re walking away from him,” I called back as I began to walk backwards. “So I suppose that means I am not his; he is not mine-. But that makes me think of Lewis’ illustration of the cliff and the town*…but I also want you to know, Papa, that if you are leading me away-away I know that I must be okay with that. I just- well, I don’t know, Papa. I’m just talking, wishing and praying.”
He kissed the top of my head and placed my hand in the crook of his right arm. “I am leading you where you need to go.”
“Yes” I said, my childlikeness overpowering my adulthood. “I should just wait and see then, huh?”
He abruptly pulled me into a bear hug, lifting me off my feet and scaring me because of it. I punched him though nothing I could do would hurt him.
“You must also do! You must also do!” he screamed this in my ear, but I shoved him away, playfully irritated.
“What must I do, Papa?”
“What I ask.” He laughed, an excited look on his face; he pulled me to run with him. “Come,” he said. “This way! Are you ready for your next adventure?!”
*I'll find the direct quotation for you soon!
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