Away (circa 2012)

I looked to my left and right, tempted to turn around although I know that I should not, so I hold onto my father’s hand tighter, my palms sweaty from anxiousness; the heat couldn’t have affected me for it wasn’t hot outside. The weather felt a perfect spring. As my father and I kept walking tears passed from my eyes to my face, both happy and sad; both with impatience and with patience. Finally, my father tugged at my arm, causing me to look up into his smiling face. He did nothing to wipe away my tears, merely watched every one that fell. His eyes asked, What are you thinking? I laughed uneasily and slightly embarrassed. He tugged at my arm again, so gently, that perhaps he wasn’t tugging at my arm at all, just swaying his arm as we walk.

My mouth opened of its own accord and I said, half asking, “I think I like that young man.” At this point, both my hands were wrapped around my father’s arm, expecting something to be said or done but not sure what. My entire body read ‘expectation’ although my mind could not read the words.

My father smiled. “I know. He is a very good young man.”

“Yes,” I agreed as quietly as I possibly could afraid that I would hear myself and agree more than I should. I blushed and giggled. “Yes. He is.” I repeated. I wanted to ask fifty three more questions that all revolved around my left hand but I said nothing, knowing that my mind already gives away much.

“You want to know if you will see him again.”

I nod my head shamelessly and skip ahead so that my father would not see me blush. “I know we’re walking away from him,” I called back as I began to walk backwards. “So I suppose that means I am not his; he is not mine-. But that makes me think of Lewis’ illustration of the cliff and the town*…but I also want you to know, Papa, that if you are leading me away-away I know that I must be okay with that. I just- well, I don’t know, Papa. I’m just talking, wishing and praying.”

He kissed the top of my head and placed my hand in the crook of his right arm. “I am leading you where you need to go.”

“Yes” I said, my childlikeness overpowering my adulthood. “I should just wait and see then, huh?”

He abruptly pulled me into a bear hug, lifting me off my feet and scaring me because of it. I punched him though nothing I could do would hurt him.

“You must also do! You must also do!” he screamed this in my ear, but I shoved him away, playfully irritated.

“What must I do, Papa?”

“What I ask.” He laughed, an excited look on his face; he pulled me to run with him. “Come,” he said. “This way! Are you ready for your next adventure?!”





*I'll find the direct quotation for you soon!

If only all job interviews were like this:

"I promise you that I am not as qualified as you believe me to be."

   "And, and how do you know that?"

   "Because I've read your requirements and qualifications. I don't fit any of them. At all."
   "You are very down on yourself."
   "Yes."
   "Why?"
   "Because-."
   "Did something make you so horrible?"
   "I just am horrible."
   "That's not true. Something had to have made you horrible. Adam and Eve weren't horrible to begin with."
   "I don't like where this is going."
   "I'm not taking it anywhere."
   "I- I promise you: I am not as qualified as you believe me to be."
   "Can't you file things away? Can't you answer phones, make small talk, make people laugh?"
   "Anyone can do those things."
   "Yes, but you think."
   "You're saying that others don't think when they do those things."
   "Not really. Not really thinking when they file things, answer phones, talk small and make people laugh."
   "Then what do they really do when they do those things?"
   "Just those things."
   She sat there silently, staring at the floor space near her interviewer. "But-. I'm not qualified."
   "But you tell the truth."
   "And if you know so much about me, you'll also know that I think truth is overrated, and how long I've thought so! People put too much stock in this thing they call truth, and they don't even know what real truth is! It is true that people all over the world are hurting. It is true that people steal from other people. It is true that he still prefers her to me. It is true that I am still as unqualified as I believe myself to be. All that is true."
   The interviewer stared at her.
   She would not return his gaze. She continued to stare at the floor space around his feet, tracing patterns with her eyes so that she could avoid crying.
   The interviewer frowned, but quickly smiled. "Then you'll also know that this is not the sort of truth I apply to you."
   "What?"
   "You'll know then, that the sort of truth that I ascribe to you has nothing to do with the ugly monster you just applied to mean yourself. You are not that monster."
   "What? Is it the real truth's evil twin?" she snorted.
   The interviewer thought about it, then nodded in agreement. "Yes. That's exactly what it is. An evil twin." The interviewer laughed. "Oh, I need to hire you. When can you start?"
   She looked the interviewer up and down, her emotions running around for her, bewildered and frenzied. "Hire me? Your list of qualifications said you're looking for someone with a Ph.D, or a couple masters' degrees in their back pockets, swimming with heavenly references, expensive internships, and Louis Vuitton suits. Not that there's anything wrong with those things; I often wish I wanted those things. They seem like such good things to want."
   "And that is the only lie you could've told me."
   "I promise you that I am not as qualified as you believe me to be."
   "Do you intend to keep that promise?"
   "Well, I suppose if it's not a biblical promise then it's a promise that's meant to be broken."
   "I want you for the job. Will you take it?"
   "I feel as though I have no choice."
   "Oh. You have a choice, but that is not a feeling. Your feeling, what you're feeling now, is my belief in you. Not my belief in your qualifications or requirements."
   "You left out achievements."
   "You never said 'achievements'."
   "So both your ears do work."
   "I'll see you tomorrow morning. Dress well."
   "I refuse to dress any other way."