A Study in Membership: Part 02- Guilt

Part 01 of this series was, admittedly, all over the place. I wrote it in about an hour with no prior planning, only a thought. However, Part 01 is not impossible to summarize.

1. I am humbly jaded for fear of arrogance and/or ignorance.
2. I don't understand what it means to belong to a community.
3. Community does not often go hand-in-hand with communing.
4. What is the purpose and intent of a church's physical location (if applicable)?
5. What is the general purpose of a Church member?, regardless of denomination or stature/class.

PERFECT

Numbers 1-5 intertwine. Frankly, they may be inseparable, or are indistinguishable.

But, I think, before I being, I need to clarify a few terms.

• church (lowercase 'c')- a building; an architectural structure; a room
• Church (uppercase 'C')- the body of Christ which is defined in Ephesians 4 (will usually have the article 'the' preceding it)
• visitor- a newcomer to church and has only attended a church once or twice; a person who is not yet a member of a church or the Church (the former refers to physicality; the latter refers to spirituality)
• member- official attendant/participant of a church or the Church
• Gentile- a non-Jewish person

note: These are not thorough terms, nor are they in any way extensive. you might find better definitions on Google. All other unclear terms will be provided with a link. Should you have any suggestions or questions please feel free to message or comment.

Anyway!

The church of which I was recently inducted as a member is non-denominational (it is not vastly different from the Baptist church I previously attended, but let's be real here it definitely wasn't a standard Baptist church). In order to become a member I was (loosely) required to attend a membership class. The class' purpose is stated as follows: "...You are a member of God's very own family...and you belong in God's household with every other Christian." Ephesians 2.19, The Living Bible

I learned from my pastor and Wikipedia :D that The Living Bible is "a loose paraphrase of the more literal translation of the Greek..." (I am telling you, if this were this many translations/interpretations of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice I'd stop reading it, too.)

This verse is not misapplied, but this use, I think, assumes much. I think my church's leadership assumes (and this is a broad assumption) I or any visitor must be visiting because I do not (have not, cannot, will not) belong elsewhere; but here I now can belong. Also, it is my biblical right and duty to belong, like it is my right and duty as a citizen of the USA to vote.

The context of this verse is an epistle, a letter from the apostle Paul to the Ephesians who are neither recently converted to Judaism nor are ethnically Hebrew, but have converted to the 'newest' religion of Christianity (no, it was not called 'Christianity at the time, not officially). Anyway, this is a huge deal! Jews hardly tolerated Samaritans (half-Jew, half-Gentile) how much more so full-Gentile who are converting to a spin-off version of Judaism! W-H-A-T?!

Essentially, the letter to the Ephesians is Paul's assurance (perhaps even reassurance) of the Ephesians new and equal place beside/with God's people; who, by default, because they believe in Christ's death and resurrection, have inherited the ethnic and religious history/foundation of Judaism.

Other than salvation, Christ's death and resurrection also made way for equality so technically, Gentiles are no longer Gentiles (thus neither are Samaritans 'half-breeds').

Broadly speaking, modern-day Christians, like the Ephesians are members not of the church, but of the Church. Individually, 'We also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the spirit.' Ephesians 2.22 (Talk about your body being a temple, eh?!)

So, if I am individually inhabited by the Holy Spirit, and individually an important part of the body of Christ, I am, by default, a member of the Church. Because, you know, the Body of Christ and the Church are interchangeable.

A problem surfaces when people suggest that the Body of Christ is interchangeable with church. Which!- IMPORTANT!- I am not suggesting that is what my current church of membership is doing because that is an accusation one does not apply quickly (though it is often applied haphazardly).

Speaking of church!- I totes mcgotes did not attend one last Sunday!





My friend and I planned to attend a church not of my membership, just to switch things up a bit. But we didn't attend a church last Sunday because we mistook the starting time for an hour later. Oops. And I'll be totes mcgotes-honest: I did not want to attend church if I couldn't attend one not of my membership. I was not in the mood to socialize, I craved anonymity especially for the sake of this blog series. I wanted to compare two different churches' approach to membership.

Now, confession: I have previously visited the church my friend and I planned to attend, but it had been a while- I needed a refresher on their 'statement of beliefs'! But because we didn't attend, I found other fodder for thought: guilt.

We feel guilt after we have done something wrong. But then there is guilt for when we have done nothing wrong, but someone else thinks we have. Sometimes they are right, but in most cases (from what I have observed) they are wrong.






My alma mater 'forced' me to attend Sunday services, and chapel every MTWThF-morning which doesn't sound bad, but, I mean, when we were children and were forced to do something we hated doing it. This isn't different from being forced to bathe and brush our teeth- those are not things we were forced to 'enjoy'. We didn't need to be preached at to do those things...well, eventually, we did not need to be preached at for those things.

But being forced to go to church is, well, an uneasy topic for most people.

For me, I was not forced to go to church as a child. I just went; so it was really weird for me to have to go to church in college. And not even my home church, but I had to find one where I would fit. In my four at college, away from home, I never found a church I felt I could attend regularly. Now, mind you, emphasis on the word 'felt'.

None of these churches hurt people, or stole money, or anything like that, but I was blinded by the requirement of having to find a new church.

What do you mean I have to find a new church? What do you mean it should only take me two Sundays to find one I like? I've been at my home church for a decade! It's like trying to find a new spouse, after being recently widowed from a loving, and healthy fifty year marriage! And to continue that analogy, it has been ages since I've even considered what I look for in a spouse- what do I look for? The person I was fifty years ago has changed into who I am today!

What do I look for in a church? (There are books on this, you can google it. I have read none of them.)

Whatever it was I looked for, I didn't appreciate feeling guilty for not attending a service. I was in no way punished, but was looked down upon. Heavily.

I didn't understand why I needed to feel guilty for not attending a service. What if I had four papers I need to write that are due Monday? What if I went on a weekend trip? What if I was sick? What if I was going to attend but found a crying, hurting friend and helped her instead of attending church?

You're going to make me feel guilty for having priorities? Don't you want to me to graduate? Don't you want me to be empathetic toward others? Don't you want me to be healthy?

Okay, I'm ranting now.

But, the larger question, is church priority, or Church?

I understand that attending church is one way to worship God, but some people have made this one way the only way.

Tell me if I'm wrong, but there is no where written in the Bible that I have to attend church. No where. What I do need to do is tell others about Christ; to provide and help the un-helped; to love others- to do what everyone considers is good-person things to do.

Listen, I don't not want to attend church- like going to a library or bookstore and seeing others who are like me- that's what church is like: a place where I can find and meet and know people who are like me. Not likeminded, but like me.

This is something that everyone longs for- to connect to others, to make friends- why should something everyone desires innately be forced upon them?





Instead of attending church, me, my friend and her boyfriend went to Whole Foods and ate from their buffet. We sat there and talked and bonded...which is what we would've done had we attended church. I don't want to overgeneralize- I don't want to say that eating at Whole Foods is the same as attending church because it isn't always. But sometimes, it is.

That's probably what the next blog post will be about: what qualifies as church exactly?

A Study in Membership: Part 01

Happy Thanksgiving!

I was just thinking about the things for which I am thankful when I realized, "I am a member of a church." 

I am not surprised that I am a member of a church. I am not surprised that churches have members (I mean, like official members). I am, however, surprised that I am a member of a church (yes, the tone in which that statement is said differs a great deal from its non-tone twin). 

Someone once described me as 'humbly jaded' because despite being jaded, I am open to new perspectives; in fact, I crave new perspectives, because I have hidden behind mine often enough to know what a- a donkey I can be. 

Admittedly, I should not be so surprised to be a member of a church. I was a member of my previous church. But that's just it. My previous church, I'd attended since I was in kindergarten. I became a member at thirteen (right?) and only left earlier this year for publicly-undisclosed reasons (reasons which have been privately-disclosed among trusted ears). 

Looking for a church these past, what, six-seven months (two of which were spent at a summer camp sans automobile), I found it difficult to belong because I have a complicated relationship with belonging.

Even before I was looking for a church, any time I visited one I was quick to judge it. Not for its theology, or for its lack of organ music, but for its appearance. It's physical, shallow appearance. Not because my home church was just so phenomenal--hardly. But I've always thought it odd how modern American churches insist community without, actually, you know, communing. 

Now, I am not an expert on modern American churches. I haven't even read a David Platt book. Augh. But I have only visited American churches. I have neither the funds nor vehicles to visit churches outside of America...outside of the tri-state area. 

Ferrealsies, though, what does it mean to greet and make new people feel welcome? How do I just accept them and make them feel a part of the community? Because I know when I'm a new person I don't really want you to greet me. I want you to let me sit back for a couple weeks and let me decide whether or not I want you to approach me. Approach me when I'm ready. When it's not my first day. When I have had a chance to swim through jades. When I've had a chance to stop judging you. When I've had a chance to settle in.

Maybe it's because I'm introverted.

I hear churches speak of community without reaching out to it. Or, reaching out to the immediate community.

Down the street from where I live there's a Mormon church which has never reached out to me or my household. A few miles away is a Presbyterian church which has never reached out to me. I am not suggesting these churches are not fulfilling what they purport to be their duty: I have visited neither and do not know the ministries in which they are involved. I am sure (or would like to be sure) that both reach out to their flock, and to the newcomers that do visit.

But what if, in certain cases, as a church, you can only reach out to those who choose to reach out to you? What I mean is, what if the American church isn't 'affecting' its closest neighbors because it has a skewed or exclusive perspective of 'international'. No, I know there are a bajillion blog posts written about helping at home before helping abroad. I've read those. I have been a part of those movements. I'm wondering if maybe that's not so bad. 

Just because a church starts in a certain area with the intent to help that certain area because that's God's thing doesn't mean that will happen. What if when I visit a church, like when I meet a person on the street, I was only meant to visit once, and my not coming back is not a tragedy, but a blessing. 

I am choosing to attend and be a member of a church that is fifteen minutes away, instead of one that is five minutes away. Am I the only one that thinks this is funny? Nothing is wrong with the church that's five minutes away, but where did I feel I could best serve; where did I feel most welcome, most safe? Fifteen minutes away- a church I'd never heard of before. 

Is their lack of publicity and my lack of acknowledging its existence a problem? 

No, but I think too often modern American churches make it a problem because we don't understand that, as a church, we can only reach out to so many people in a certain area. We can only positively (or negatively) impact a community as much as it is willing to allow impact. 

Perhaps the church five minutes away from me is consistently positively impacting a community thirty minutes away- a community it didn't expect to impact. 

And now, as an official member (I have a fancy certificate and everything) will I be okay with that? Will I be able to participate in that? Will I add or detract from my new home church. Will I be brave enough to say 'hello' to the veteran members? Will I now say 'hello' to new members who, too, might be humbly jaded? 

Churches may intend to affect their immediate surrounding area, but sometimes, that just isn't what God has in mind. I live fifteen minutes away from my church's surrounding area (that may not seem like very far away, but to some it is)- I can't imagine I was part of my church's plan.  But then, that's the beauty of it all, right? 

So, I'm a member of a church who's intentions, though stated clearly, are subject to divine intervention. Excuse me, I have to go figure out what that really means. If you want to see what I make of church membership, look out for Parts 02, 03, 04- maybe Parts determined indefinite. 

Holla. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

modern, right? ehehe,

Commentary

Once I invited my best friend and her brother to come to church with me. Someone or other had told me that to invite friends to church is a good deed done unto everyone, and God. So, I invited them because I wanted to do a good deed. And, you know, she's my best friend, I want her to be a part of my life in that way. 

My family and I picked them up. They walked down their front steps and I thought, "They are too dressed up." I mean, I'm all about Sunday best, I guess, but I was only in fifth or sixth grade--I knew nothing about women's suits for preteens and that's what my friend wore. Her brother wore something similar. They were matching. They're not twins, but for a second I thought they were.

Church was church. I barely remember what went on. I remember I decided to sit in the third row, and I remember my best friend's brother kept asking when we were going to eat because he's hungry. I shrugged. 

Then we had communion. And my best friend's brother was like, "YES! FOOD!"

But it was only one small cup of grape juice, and one teeny tiny piece of matza bread. He downed both as though he'd never eaten and asked me, "Can I have more?" 

I did my best not to laugh. 

Then one of them dropped a book. 

I don't remember being embarrassed, but my parents were. My parents, before church began, asked, "Are you sure you want to sit in the third row? So close to the front?"

"Duh, we always sit there."

I think about the way people act in church. Then about the way people act outside of church. 

Sometimes in public places children will throw embarrassing fits- well, the children are fine, it's the parents who are embarrassed (well done, kid). And most onlookers will mumble, "Get your kid under control." or "What bad parents." or "That kid needs to be spanked." or "That kid is spoiled." 

Such unnecessary commentary. 

Sometimes in public places people trip over nothing. Onlookers will laugh and/or tease. Perhaps trip over nothing, too, cheeks burning red, eyes looking everywhere but passersby. 

Then behavior in church...

I am church kid, but I'm not a church kid. Let me put it this way: I did not grow up knowing 'Jesus' as the right answer to everything. I was unfamiliar with how to act in public situations, and though adults perceived me to be a quiet kid my parents knew otherwise. 

I laughed very loudly. 

I spoke loudly. 

I made faces loudly. 

I was just loud. 

I inspired many passersby and onlookers to comment on or about me. I inspire commentary. Some might say I deserve commentary. I mean, somebody's got'a tell me I'm doing something wrong. Yeah. Right. 

Today is the first Sunday of the month- most churches have communion on the first Sunday of the month. 

Another fun fact, I've been attending this church consistently for a couple months now--super new for me. (Note: this church is different from the one I mentioned above.) When I visit a new church I tend to be very skeptical. Not like, "Oh, is this church going to convince me to believe in God. Again?!" I am just skeptical by nature; analytical and jaded. I am really jaded. I am amazed at how jaded I am.

Today I partook of communion and reflected on the past communions in which I did not partake. I wondered why I didn't partake. 

In one church I visited several times over an extended period, the church had its congregation come up to one of two tables where rested the cups of juice and plates of bread. I did not partake because I was a visitor, and didn't want to stand in line with people I assumed would look at me funny. 

Augh.

Some communions in which I did not partake I hadn't spent enough time reflecting on my sins. Even though I was told ahead of time we'd have communion the following week, I didn't spend the following week reflecting on my sins. And I knew that to partake of communion with an impure heart would doubly damn me.

Right? 

Well, however I thought way back when, I missed the point of communion. 

Whatever communion means to you, it doesn't just mean the elements of the Last Supper. It's not just the bread and the wine. Nope. Now, I'm no linguist, but I don't think it's a coincidence that word 'communion' and 'community' have the same beginning 'com'- with; a sharing (dictionary.com). 

Whatever communion is to you, it is not taken in solitude. It is taken with others. And as much as any community relies on individuals, individuals too preoccupied with their role in the community are likely to overlook actually acting out that role. 

I am not saying that my not partaking in communion disrupted others, but I did prevent myself from, you know, communing. 

I was so worried with what an onlooker or passerby would think instead of reflecting upon what the elements of bread and wine represent. Worried I didn't spend enough time in self-loathing...I mean reflection.

I partook communion today more thankful for Christ's death and resurrection than I was worried about people's perception of me even if I tripped over myself, don't appear to be able to raise kids, dropped a book on the floor of a silent auditorium full of people, or asked if more juice and crackers were coming round. 

If a stranger's commentary shouldn't matter that much to me, how much less should the lies I tell myself matter? (So much less.)

Trust me, I am all about growth and criticism, but seriously, neither of those should ever encompass the God who made commentary and tripping over nothing possible. That's probably why I've never thought 'Jesus' was the right answer. It felt too broad, and no one ever cared to explain the details of that breadth. 'Jesus' is not the equivalent of 'abracadabra'.