dear God,
so, you know how i've been worrying about the future? well, now i'm in danger of living too much in the future and not in today. which, to a certain extent, is fine. you know. you tell me to look ahead to future promises and gifts. the immediate gifts of this world are temporary. totally, i get that. i do. i should look to the future of heaven, but surely not to the point where all i do is dream. dream, yes, but also do!
it's weird. i don't think i have anything to look forward to, you know what i mean? it's not like i have any set goals that makes me all like, "i can't wait to get there!" i don't know what makes me eagerly anticipate tomorrow. i used to be so afraid of today; of the impending evening!
what did you do?
it's the summer weather, isn't it? or spring weather, whatever. that's it, isn't it? new things reborn/born. things are their natural color (for the most part- save tanning salons).
i'm sorry i deny your encouragement during the bleaker months of the year. i who enjoy all four seasons. this perhaps is an easier season for me. or i've learned what it is to be stupid and complacent during the darker months that i'd rather not do that during lighter months.
what will i learn these lighter months? i want to learn during these months to take them with me to darker months. please.
still, it is refreshing to have lighter months. i am no less grateful for it. i could do without nights full of tears and mornings full of panic attacks.
but you are still Lord even then.
you were still Lord of Nehemiah, Esther, Job, and Job's ridiculous friends.
thank you, God. i love you.
"truly i know that it is so: but how can a man be in the right before God? / if one wished to contend with him, one could not answer him once in a thousand times." Job 9.2,3
why should my actions dictate God's actions- that would require him to be more reactionary; more fickle. i like my gods stable. perhaps that's what God means when he says he's unchanging: he won't suddenly turn on us like Two Face.
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