Blind Spot: I'm a Coward.

I have this horrible fear of being greatly disliked by people I admire: celebrity or non-celebrity; friend or enemy, I am probably terrified of disappointing you. 

We've talked and talked and talked, getting to know each other pretty well, when suddenly we come to a slight disagreement, or a hot topic, or a minor offense and I will probably back down faster than a squirrel underneath a car wheel. Unless the disagreement/topic/offense concerns anything literary, I'll probably go down fighting you, but morally or politically, I am pretty wishy-washy. 

No, I don't sleep around or go around murdering people, but I will think so hard about what my opinion should be that I won't allow myself to make one.

I tinker. I don't complete.

Last night I discovered how self-conscious I am about the ideas I entertain. I don't really like sharing them because, frankly, ideas/beliefs, really shouldn't be as fickle as this: a young woman's heart. I have no problem sharing my emotions--everyone knows those are pretty fickle, due to a liberal amount of hormones--but ideas!- ideas are supposed to be stronger! Ideas are supposed to be solid! Ideas are supposed to be firmer; supposed to uphold the fickle emotions, which would explain why I often qualify any verbalized belief with: "Not that I've really this through-. This is an undeveloped opinion but..."

Strike you as confident, because it doesn't strike me as confident.

Sometimes I'm so afraid to be right. When am I right? The people I admire would even admit that they aren't right all the time, so how could I ever say that I'm right?! I'm sure behind every 'right' statement is a blind spot. I must be missing something I have yet to think through. I'll have to take a few more days to develop my ideas. My beliefs.

But then I never get around to developing them.

I'm spineless. I'm afraid to have an opinion. 

I blog; have Facebook and am afraid to have an opinion. 

I'm not looking for the perfect idea. In fact, I get frustrated when someone's a know-it-all. Besides, who likes know-it-alls?! No one, that's who.

But, I guess, kind of like walking, I got'a crawl and trip a few times before I can really keep a steady pace. I might have to jog, might have to run, might have to stop altogether; but really. It's all about developing. Really, it's all about wanting to continue developing. 

Ah, I can't be afraid to share my ideas/beliefs with you.

God did not make me to be a coward! 

Maybe not always Live. Laugh. Love. but sometimes Bolder. Kinder.

It takes guts to be bold and kind. Anyone can be bold. Pray that I might also be kind.