"Fried! Deep fried brain!"

When I was a freshman in college I got sick. Surprise, surprise. My roommate quarantined me to my room. I was not allowed to attend any of my classes. I was not allowed to leave my room, not my bed either. I was so antsy I had to do something! So, I started exercising. When my roommate came back she found me planking. She looked at me. I looked at her. She said, "What are you doing?"

"I'm not exercising if that's what you mean."

"Get. Back. In. Bed. You're sick."

"I might feel a little sleepy-."

"You're sick! Oh, my gosh! You're sick!"

To this day, we're still best friends. Thank God.




So, I haven't changed much since then because a couple nights ago I suddenly caught something. When I say 'suddenly' I mean suddenly.

I was sitting at my desk job, typing away, bopping my head to the music playing in the background when my arms fell to my chest to keep warm. I couldn't breathe properly, but I was like, "No, I have to keep working." So, I kept working. Seriously, no big deal. People get sick all the time. Except me. I don't get sick, and when I do get sick I'm not actually sick because I feel well enough to exercise.

Anyway, that night, after work, I went directly to bed. My head and torso were uncommonly warm, and the rest of my body was uncommonly freezing. Still, no big deal. However, half the night later, I woke up in a cold sweat (I think it was a cold sweat), which would explain why I was swimming in my dream, so I turned the fan on to cool down, but I only felt colder. I felt so weak.

Feeling weak is for weak people! BAH!

The very next morning I decided to bake cookies & cream cookies (hey, I'd baked vanilla cupcakes the day before), so I did. But my back ached. My arms ached. My cookies didn't turn out as well as I wanted, but everyone else loved them.

ADVIL. I took just one Advil. Felt fine. NBD, BRO! I can go to work. I need the money.

So, I went to work. I felt fine.

Slept fine. I got this. Ain't dreaming about swimming, therefore no cold sweat.

The very next morning, I drove my sister to school. Drove my mom to her carpool. Then I went to my aunt's house to drop off more of cupcakes and cookies.

Except, that I started convulsing. My arms were crossed so tightly over my chest, I could not unravel them. I couldn't breathe properly, and when I did I was wheezing- I was practically singing. my death song (haha, I just made that up). My stomach muscles were contracting I felt they wanted to eat my insides, but I hadn't eaten that much in the first place. My aunt first called her husband, a nurse, down to take my temperature, things like that. I was so glad none of them panicked because I already didn't want to die.

Seriously, I thought to myself, "I don't want to die yet, I still have a story I need to finish." And then I thought, "What is wrooooong with me. One little reaction to what could be a flu... Don't be ridiculous."

They called my dad over. He came, and something about his presence, I calmed down after that, but that didn't stop my body from attacking itself.

Then I stopped convulsing, well, after I swallowed some Ibuprofen, so stopped whatever it was I was doing, or reacting to, and finally just lay there on that leather couch, under three blankets (I think), listening to the adults in the room talk.

I lay there and thought, "So, this what this feels like. This is what this feels like." At the time, I couldn't quite label 'this' I just knew I didn't like 'this'. 'This' wasn't a good feeling.

My aunt said, "Wow, when my kid's get sick they just get warm."

My dad responded, "Oh, she doesn't get sick like this either. At least not since she was a baby. We were still living in the city when she was just walking around, when she fell over. I thought, 'Why is she sleeping like that?' but then she turned over then, aha!- she's having a seizure!'" Of course they laughed. Then I laughed, or tried to laugh, ish. I laughed-ish. "Fried! Deep fried brain!" my dad yelled, joking, "That's why this is happening now."





I lay there for another hour or so. My dad left for his dentist appointment. My aunt and uncle went back to real life. I felt pathetic. Thankful, but pathetic.

I am a freaking working woman! I can't let sickness stop me! And yet, if I keep working while I'm sick, do I really want my body to collapse on itself because I was too stubborn to admit sickness in the first place?

But this is a better idea for a blog post than asking more existential questions. Right?

Next time, I'll just wear a coat when I go outside during the fall and winter. I don't want to feel 'this' ever again. Oh, and never exercise when you're sick, no matter how well you feel because, at that point, you're totally lying to yourself.

STAY IN BED!